I tend to think things happen for a reason, or that we can learn lessons from life events that will make a difference later in our lives. I’ve learned that what I need, or what my family needs, often comes about in unexpected ways and at the very last minute. *sigh* If only we knew that it would be all right, that we would find something even greater when we lose something, or that we will survive something better than we think, it would make it so much easier to endure the waiting and worrying.
I have always been a worrier. I married a worrier. My poor kids. But I have learned about being hopeful and positive over the years. If you know me personally, you know I usually have a smile on my face and people think I am always happy. I try to see the good things, the joy, and the wonder in life. I am thankful every day for my wonderful husband and kids, and try to appreciate each day, knowing the next one isn’t promised. I try not to hide behind the mask of being grown-up, responsible, and middle class. I like to be myself, in all my craziness. I wasn’t like this as a kid, but how much more time do I have to enjoy life now that I’ve passed half a century on this earth? I love humor and fun and love.
So recently, so much has happened to test my ability to stay positive. Sometimes I feel like I am being tested, or maybe I did something wrong. I am not one of the spiritual gurus that will tell you live in the moment and all will be fine. I am too grounded in reality at times. But I do try not to let life send me into a spiral of negative and destructive thinking.
If you read my post, Dreaming of Change, I felt like something powerful was happening in my life. Now that we are facing the loss of jobs, home, and health, I wonder if I am supposed to see this as a step forward. I can’t help it…I do hope that there is some wonderful lesson for me to realize at the end of all this. I’ve already learned that there are many, many more wonderful, giving, kind people in the world than I had ever imagined.
I have also learned more about my family and friends. My disabled sister, living on very little, was the first to give on my son’s fundraising site. It is the ones that have faced hardship that truly understand and give, either financially or emotionally. I now have “fallen in Love” with some of my friends. I’m not kidding. They might have been acquaintances before, but there hearts are so huge that they are now aching for us, and I can’t help but fall in love. I can’t wait to be able to be a positive force in their lives again instead of making them worry and stress over me.
Some days I fail miserably at being positive and appreciating what I have. Other days, I am so overwhelmed with the goodness and hope in this world that I just know it will work out. Today, I am hopeful. I went to bed and hardly slept last night because of our situation, but I woke to such kind words, good advice, and so much love that I know it will be all right.
For those of you that don’t know, my husband recently suffered a carotid artery dissection. He is now limited for life, and in danger of another dissection or stroke. We lost our main income, and many more changes because of this. But we still have him, whole and present in our lives. For more on his story, you can go here: http://expressionsforlif.hubpages.com/hub/Carotid-Artery-Dissection
So, I am once again attempting positivity. Our new goal is to get enough money to keep our family together. Now I must go pack, throw, organize, and move forward!!! Can’t wait to write about the wonderful things that are coming our way. If you are experiencing hardship, my heart is with you. Of course, who isn’t these days? If you would like to chat, I’d love to share some of the love I’ve been given.
Take a minute now to forgive yourself for whatever you are feeling is your fault. Did you do it? Do it again!!! Now go have a beautiful day.